ZOMBIE HUNTER
Issue #1
Written by me: A1 Steak Sauce
It was a sunny, hot day. I sweated as I walked through the hot parking lot towards my destination. I could hear the screams already. I walked up to the ticket booth that was located just to the left of the main entrance. The lady behind the glass asked in a pleasant, yet somehow annoying voice, “How may I help you today, sir?” I said nothing. I slipped her 25 dollars in cash, and she gave me a ticket. As I began to walk away, she yelled, “Wait sir, you forgot your change!” I kept walking. The security guard stopped me as I walked through the gate. “Hold it a second there pardner, I reckon I’d liked to take a peek and see whatch ya got under ‘dat fancy dancy jacket ‘der.” I showed him my two black-gloved hands, and allowed him to search me.
As he reached inside, I kicked him square in the chin, and whipped out a .45 magnum. He tried to get up, and grab his gun, but I kicked him in the head and knocked him out. It was the only way I could stop him, without using lethal force. The guard may have been fat and stupid, but even he didn’t deserve to die. Although it probably would’ve been wiser if I had shot him. A lot easier way to go compared to the alternative. I kept moving, but before I could get far, two guards came running, handguns drawn. I reached inside my pockets and got out a tranquilizer. I put two darts in each guard’s neck. I stopped running for a brief second, and admired the sites before me. I was in Texas’ most famous amusement park; ZomieWorld. To my left there was a humongous roller coaster. That was where all the screams were. To my right there was a tall ferris wheel, bumper cars, assorted carnival type games, and all kinds of other rides. Up ahead of me, there used to be water rides, food stands, bathrooms, a funhouse, and even a haunted mansion. But all that was left was destroyed buildings and rubble. All of the people still left in the park, did not see the destruction that I saw. They were all induced with gas. A special gas made by some of “them”. The guards must have also been exposed to the gas. Otherwise they would not have bothered to try to stop me.
Luckily I could not be affected by the gas. No point in discussing why I can’t be affected by it now. I’ve got a job to do now. See this particular park, ZombieWorld (how ironic), has been overtaken by a tribe of vicious, cannibalistic, zombies. And my job is to clean this zombie scum up, before even more causalities happen. I look to my right and then to my left. No zombies yet. Just people living in a false reality. Eating cotton candy, riding rides, having fun. They don’t know zombies are preying on them. All they see is sunshine, happiness, rainbows, and unicorns. But I see the world as it really is. The gas made by “them” cannot affect me, and distort my sense of awareness. And yet, they know all of this. I do not have the element of surprise. I would’ve snuck into the park and thrown them off guard, but that’s kind of hard to do in the middle of the freakin’ day. Zombies. Why can’t they make appointments for when I can come and blow their brains out?
I dart up straight ahead, keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of trouble. And by trouble, I mean zombies. There is no sign of them. They are not outside anywhere. I look around. Then I see. I know where they are. Of course. So easy. They are inside one of the only few rides left; the Funhouse. Great! A zombie funhouse. Sounds like a load of fun. Ye-Haw! I head towards the funhouse, with no fear or hesitation. When I reach the entrance, the entrance being a clown’s mouth, I take out my favorite zombie hunting weapon; my good ol’ shotgun. I load in the specially made shells, pump it, and step inside the zombie infested funhouse.
I take a few steps, but all I can see is utter blackness. The only light comes from the entrance, I just came through. I realize I am setting myself up for an ambush. Have to be smart about this. I reach into my coat and pull out night goggles. Only the best, baby. Now I can see in green. I realize that I am in a narrow corridor. I walk slowly, and then I round the corner. Oh boy, here comes the fun part. All around me, everywhere are mirrors. I am in the center of a huge room. And then, when I step a little further, they come out. A whole horde of ‘em. They surround me, in 6 seconds less. I try to count them. Hard to tell with all of the mirrors, but I’d have to estimate about 40, maybe more, maybe less. Time to get to work. They’re already making their circle tighter.
I raise my shotgun and fire at the one of them. BLAM! He falls down like a domino. I pump my shotgun, then fire away again. BLAM! Another falls. This is gonna be a long day. I realize what I need is some music. I pull out my shiny new ipod and play one of my favorite zombie killing songs; “Another one bites the dust” by Queen. As the song starts playing in my ear, I pump then fire. As they get too close for comfort, I kick them back then fire. In the dark, and even with my night vision goggles, I can’t see their faces. Not that I need too. They’re uglier than a pile of crap, let me tell you. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! In my hear the song plays, “Another one bites the dust!”
And they do. Another one bites the dust, followed by another one. One of them grabbed a hold of my neck and tried to bite me. A put the barrel of my shotgun right in his mouth and pulled the trigger. BLAM! Not pretty. I hit another one in the head, and took it clean off. BLAM! Shot another one, and it went right through his stomach. There were probably only a dozen left now. And I still haven’t even worked up a sweat. How disappointing. BLAM! Another two fell down, and I only took one shot. Now I could see that only six more remained. I concealed my shotgun, and drew out a sword. Chopping time!
Two zombies staggered forward and tried to grab a hold of me. I dodged them to their left, swung around and cut them both off at the waist, with only one swing of my sword. Nice execution! One behind me had almost snuck up on me. I stabbed him in the stomach, and he died in seconds. The last three, I simply cut off their heads. Nothing fancy today, I’m afraid. After the last three, fell to the ground, I put away my sword and stepped over all the zombies dead bodies. I knew it was over. I walked beyond the mirror room, and peaked around the next corner. I took one glance then walked away, and walked back outside. All that was around that corner was piles and piles of dead men, women, and sadly even children. And most of them were all eaten, some half-eaten. I hate them zombies! I will eradicate them off of this planet some day. I swear it.
I walked towards the exit and never turned back. My day at the park was over. The gas the people had been affected with would wear away in a few hours. And my employers will arrive soon, to discard all of the evidence of the zombies and the dead people. The world isn’t ready to deal with the knowledge that zombies are real. No. They just need to keep living their fairy tale lives, never knowing of such horrible things. And God bless the ones who were slaughtered by them things.
My name is Brett. Well not really, that’s the name I have assumed ever since I joined the zombie hunt. You can call me Agent Z. I’m no saint. No savior. What I just did, saving thousands of more deaths from occurring? That was just another day on the job.
COMING SOON: Issue #2
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Subject: Zombie Hunter 
Wed Nov 14, 2007 9:26 pm
