Okay so this is my marking period piece of writeing for my writeing class. Its just the first part of my rough draft thats due on monday but i thought i could get some input from some for awsome writers.




2:00 A.M.

I stumble through my house like a drunk. I’m not really drunk but I’ve been awake for 24 hours and desperately need sleep. I lean from side to side as I walk down the stairs to my bed room. I trip on the last step and almost fall on my face. My wife lays asleep on her side of the bed as I climb in. I reach over and grasp her hand as I fall asleep.
A scream pierces the night. More follow quickly. They scream in the same horrified way. It rises and drops in perfect harmony. I sit up instantly and search for my wife. The clock on my night stand shows its 2:00 Am. My wife isn’t in the bed next to me.
I lay cowering in my bed as more screams join with the others. The sound is deafening. I switch on my bedside lamp but am still to afraid to leave my bed. My breathing is quick but heavy. I peer out the window at the base of my bed but I see nothing. I wonder is another terrorist attack has taken place. I grab the remote off my bed side stand and turn on the TV. Nothing come up. I press the button again and nothing comes up. As I go to stand, something crashes against the wall upstairs. I cower against my head rest again. The screams grow louder as more voices once again join. I cover my eyes as it gets to the point where I’m sure I’ll go deaf. I feel as though I’m about to go insane from the noise stops. All the screams die out as if they had never been there. I lay there shaking, waiting for more screams, but none come. It takes me Ten minutes to work up enough courage to climb out of bed this time. I put on a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt before going upstairs. I move through my house with ease. All my lights are off but there is light coming from outside. I open my door slowly as it creaks loudly. The wind hits me and chills me to the bone instantly. I flip up my hood as I step out and close my door. I hear nothing but the wind. As I walk around my house I see the source of light. Every house on my block has their lights on. I walk slowly across my yard to my neighbors house. The rain falls harder the closer I get to their house. When I reach the house I knock twice. The knock echo in the streets. I wait a few seconds but hear no answer. So I knock again. And wait again still with no answer. After a few more tries I grasp the door handle and turn. The door opens quickly and I cautiously step in side.
“Hello?” I call. But no answer here either. I check each room to find them all empty. There are signs of struggle in each but no blood. I spotted a food bowl as I had passed the kitchen but had found no animals either. I start to panic as I wonder what might have happened to them. I quickly go to their bathroom and pour cold water on my face. I stare into the mirror at myself. The five o’clock shadow messes up my goatee and my short dark brown hair is now long and black as it sticks to my head.
I couldn’t stay in their any longer. I had to leave. I almost ran outside. I walked straight out to a street lamp to find my surroundings. I clutch to it as I shout for any one out there. I hear no replies. I freak and start back to my house when I see something in the darkness. Two eyes and a great mouth appear to float about two feet away from the street lamps light. It stares at me with its white eyes. It moves towards me and I fall back. As it reaches to me it disappears back into darkness without so much as a sound.


I lay on the ground panting for a full twenty minutes before I move. I don’t know what it was but I know I’m safer in my house then laying beneath a street lamp in the pouring rain. I move quickly inside and put on fresh cloths and throw the soaked ones into my bathroom. I tried the TV once more to see if some sort of emergency broadcast had been sent warning people of what the hell is happening. But what was there to know? People had just disappeared in the hundreds with in a few minute time span. And the only evidence was their screams. The TV wouldn’t turn on once more. I started to pace as I began to wonder what could be happening, but nothing clear came to mind. That’s when I heard more screams. This time far off. I knew I couldn’t stay here. If there was a chance to help with something, ANYTHING. Then I had to go and try. Not matter how freaky that this was. Whatever “It” was. I knew I needed to hurry. What ever was happening was happening fast. I grabbed my keys and set out to my crappy pick up truck.
The engine came to life with a shuttering kick. The headlights slowly flickered to life. The rain forced my windshield wipers to full speed at which they could still hardly keep up. The wind whistled through every crack in my car it could find. I drove slowly at first to get my bearings. Shadows danced across the road giving the illusion of people in the streets. As I drove towards the main part of town I heard more of those terrible screams rising a dropping with the wind. My foot pressed harder as each scream grew louder. Before long the peddle was floored. I couldn’t stand the noise anymore. That’s when a face appeared on my hood. Mist swirled in all directions as something grew out of the darkness. Its face was a true horror. The jagged teeth pointed in all directions. Pincers grew from its back. It stared at me looking hungry but its eyes were dead. It was like looking at the eyes of a corpse. Staring at it I acted on pure reaction. It was the reaction of swerving to dodge something. I swung the steering wheel to the right as I locked up the brakes. The water covering the road forced the truck to slide as I struggled to regain control. Through all the swerving and spinning the monster stared at me. Our eyes locked on as if unable to see anything but the others eyes. They were hypnotizing. As the truck went right again we hit a dry patch. The brakes caught and the tires gripped like glue. Almost sideways doing fifty and a dead stop. All I remember is tumbling. The truck rolled four times before stopping on its right side.

Damn! Reminds me of that Cloverfield trailer...

So scary? (sorry had to use that one!)

Yeah, but I totally dig the whole "What the shit's going on??" vibe coming from the plot. It has the reader hooked for more...

See i want to keep you in the dark. If i try and do the back ground story about what it is and where it came from it would just take all the suspense from it and make people think about the origin.

I stumble down the street as fast as I can. I limp with every step but I still am moving quite fast for what has just happened. The wind hits me again as I get farther down the street. I shiver as I limp farther. The wind picks up even heavier. It carries a scream as it goes through the trees. I turn expecting to see a person screaming but there is no one there. I wipe my forehead of the cold sweat that trickles down my face before heading farther down the street. This cold is unnatural for this time of year. It not quite late fall yet and its almost below zero or so a sign informs me as I draw closer to town. Something moves up ahead and catches my eye. It doesn’t move at first but I stare at it for a second then it jumps away. A cold shiver runs down my spine, chilling my soul as it does. All hope seems lost in this dark depressing world I’ve seemed to entered. That’s when I heard a scream. I covered my eyes expect more but none came. I looked around wildly, spotting a man at the end of the street. I could see him yelling something but couldn’t hear what. That’s when I remembered to take my hands of my ears. Now I could hear what he was shouting.
“GET UNDER THE LIGHT! GET UNDER THE LIGHT!!” He yelled. From this distance it still sounded like a muffled scream at best but I could make it out. But why under the light. That’s when I heard an actual scream. I turned around and saw a house behind me. But it was just an outline. The house appeared to be moving. There were things all over it. I stood there and watched for god knows how long. Then they stopped. They stopped moving at once. Not each separately but all at once. It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. So far.
Suddenly something grabbed me from behind. It jerked me back and I lost my footing. I hit the ground and instantly rolled back up ready for a fight.
The old man stood in front of me.
“I SAID UNDER THE LIGHT!!” He said as he pushed me towards a street lamp.
There was a high pitched growl as the man shouted for me to hurry again. I looked over my shoulder at the sound as I went. Bad choice.
What ever they were knew where we were and wanted us. They had taken flight at us. I stopped short of the light in terror. The man tackled me to the ground in the light as the things came at us. The air from their flight hit us as we fell. They missed us by inches.
“WHAT WAS THAT!” I Screamed at the man.
“How should I know? I just know they don’t like light. SO I yelled stay in the light. But noo I had to save you scrawny white..”
“No need to finish. WAIT! I’m not the only one they didn’t take!”
“Nope. I thought I was it. Thought id come to help any one I could but, you’re the first I’ve seen since the screams started.” The man said.
“Why aren’t they saying to stay inside on the TV? Where are the warnings!”
“Those things must knocked em out. That’s my guess at least.”
“So your saying that these things are smart.”
“How the hell should I know. All I know is they don’t like light and that where they go we usually disappear.”
“But where too?”
“Don’t know. Don’t much care to find out either.” He said as he stood up “Come on. Lets go.”
“Go where? Everyone’s gone! HOW THE HELL IS THIS HAPPENING!!!!” I screamed as I sat on my knees.
“I DON’T KNOW AND SHITTING HERE SHUTING ISNT GOING TO HELP OUT CASE!! NOW COME ON!!!” He said as he picked me off the ground.


To Be continued….

Wow this is remarkably fast paced. Keep the suspense coming man.

I hppe i can man!

Nice!

He helped me down the street as quickly as we could move. It was slow work moving from street lamp to street lamp but it was the safest way to go. What I just witnessed races through my mind. Those things completely covered that entire house. The high-pitched squeal. Those things disappearing one after another in the light. The old guy said something but I didn’t hear him. He shook me and spoke again.
“Look.” He said.
“What am I looking for?” I said as I looked around.
“There! That building. What’s different about it then other building and houses?”
“Ummmm Its white?”
“No you idiot! Every house and building on this street, perhaps entire town has lights on. That one doesn’t! Do you know what that means?”
”That those things haven’t been there.” I said quietly.
“Exactly.” He said as we head towards it.
It took us another ten minutes to make it over there and get inside but we made it. The old man found a candle and lit it.
“So who are you my young friend?”
“Me? I’m Tim Hawks. What about you?”
“I’m Jon Ket.”
“Oh! Your that guy with the huge house on the east side of town right?” I asked him.
“Yes. That’s me. Not sure how a big house will help me now though. So Tim do you have any family.”
”Parents died a few years back but I’ve…My wife.”
“You’ve got a wife Tim? Is that what you said?”
I tried to stand and almost fell but I got footing and headed for the door.
“Tim for gods sake where are you going?” Jon said.
“I forgot about my wife. In this hellish nightmare we’ve went through I forgot that my wife was gone when the screaming started! I’ve got to go look for her!”
“I cant let you Tim.”
“What do you mean you cant let me!?”
“Your in no shape to do anything and you’ve no Idea if your wife is even out there.”
“BUT I’VE GOT TO LOOK!”
“You’ll die trying. Our best bet is to stay here until sunrise.”
”But what if they get to her before then? Huh what THEN!”
“What if they’ve already gotten to her?” Jon said stone faced.
“SHES SMART! SHE IS OKAY!!”
Jon walked to me and closed the door as I opened it.
“I had a family gathering this. All my children and grand kids stayed at my house. They were gone when I woke up.”
I wanted to say something but my mouth wouldn’t work. I just lowered my head.
“Exactly. Lets just wait it out and go from there.”
“Yeah.”
The door in the back of the room we were in squeaked. We both turned on a dime expecting to see one of the monsters, but instead we stood facing two men. One had a gun and the other a crow bar.
“Get out. This is our place.” Said the gun man as he approached. Crowbar kept pace with him all the way to use.
“Out!” Said gun man again.
“Okay, Okay. But first a question. What do you call a bum running at you?”
“I don’t know! WHAT?” Yelled the gun man.
“A BUM RUSH!” Yelled Jon as he tackled the gun man.
Crowbar looked at the two as the wrestled for the gun. I stepped forward a hit him right in the cheek with a full swing right hook. He went down and I grabbed the gun. Jon stood up and the original gun man laid on the ground with a bloody nose.
“Please. PLEASE!”
“Please what?” I asked him
“PUT OUT THE CANDLE!”
“Why?” Jon asked looking puzzled.
Something hard hit the wall. We looked to the front door and spotted one of the creatures attacking the store.
“PUT OUT THE CANDLE!!!” The man screamed as the beast came through the front window.


TO BE COUNTINUED!!!

Nice man! Does this have elements of The Mist in it?

Once again man Good Job I like how you keep it mysterious of whats really going on, plus i know what a1 means with the mist feel. I just wonder what the hell is attacking the store.

Yeah its got a mist tone to it but youll soon see its very different

Jon and I backed away slowly as the beast landed. It looked as though it were covered in fur but it was constantly moving all across its body. Its white pupils looked to the flickering flame in the middle of the room. Its giant mouth opened up reveling its hideous mouth. We had left the man on the floor not three feet from the beast.
“MOVE!” I yelled to him.
But he didn’t. He laid there shaking as the beast spotted him. He laid there as it came at him. The things mouth opened wide. I expected to eat the man whole but it didn’t bring its mouth close to him. A small click sound came from the beast as it stood there. I stood and watched what happened next and I will never believe it. Thousands of needles shot fourth from its mouth. The stuck into the man just deep enough to go through the skin. The covered most of his body. I expected them to be poison-ness but the man didn’t die through out the process. He screamed through out it. Not the type of scream that of scream I had almost grown accustomed to this night but, a scream that chilled your soul and curdled your blood. It took the breath from my lungs. A chills crept up my spin as my knees buckled. Once he was covered in the needles the beast raised his head up and gulped. With that gulp the man disappeared leaving nothing but his cloths and the thousands of needles. I sat there as the monster came towards us , unable to move. Jon screamed something as he reached down and pulled the gun from my fingers. I would have let goof the gun for him but I couldn’t move them on my own. He fired two round into it but it didn’t look like it did much.
“CANDLE!” I yelled. It was more of a chock to get it out but he got the message. The first two shots missed it but with the third he aimed for the stand and not the candle its self. The monster stopped as the candle crashed to the floor. It looked around wildly before turning around a leaving.
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!” I chocked out.
“One of them.” Said the man I punched out. “That’s why he said to put out the candle.”
I sat there breathing heavy.
“How are you alive with out knowing that?” He asked us.
“Knowing what?” Jon asked
“That they are attracted by the light.”
“But why? The die in the light!” Jon replied.
“What? No they don’t. The light takes away their physical form for a time. They are attracted to it because they know life Is near it.”
“But light hurts them right?’ I asked
“Yes. As far as I can tell they get hurt by it that’s why they want us gone, so they don’t have to worry about it.”
“What about when the sun comes up in about 20 minutes?”
“Lets find out shall we.” He said as he took a seat on the floor.

Fantastic!!!